This is my story about being a bride after loss.
My Dads death was sudden. No signs of illness or sickness. No Warning at all. It rocks you. HARD. I’ll never forget that phone call. Where I was, the shirt I was wearing (I threw it away), the people around me, the sound of my brothers voice who had to give me the news. After I hung up I don’t remember what happened for the next few days. It was a blur. A few weeks had passed and the fog starts to lift a little, but the pain stays. I was in the midst of planning my wedding and forgot about it all.
My Dad passed away in August of 2013 and my wedding was June 2014. So I had about 10 months to figure it all out before my wedding. If I am being honest, I had thoughts of not having a wedding. I wasn’t interested in planning it anymore. I wasn’t interested in talking about this when all I could think about was how my dad won’t get to see me get married. He won’t get to walk me down the aisle like he did for my sister. He won’t give an amazing speech like he did at my brother and sisters wedding. He wont get to dance the Daddy daughter dance with me and dance his silly dance moves all night long.
All I could think of was how much this sucked and how sad I was.
I didn’t care about the bridesmaids dress colors anymore or the little details. I wanted my mom to just do everything. She was pushing me to continue planning and moving forward for Tyler and me, not for any other reason.
I realize now that all my thoughts were selfish. When we lose someone we love we immediately think why, and then all the selfish things like he wont be able to walk ME down the aisle, etc. It is human nature. But my mom focused me on the reason why I was getting married. To celebrate love, great love that Tyler and I had for one another. She reminded me that my Dad was there for the walk through of the venue and got a good idea of what the wedding night would be. He was excited to dance the night away. He gave his blessing to Tyler. He loved Tyler. And Dad would be there at our wedding, just not in the way we had hoped.
Once I understood and believed that, I got to work. I created special things throughout our wedding that would remind me and others of my dad. The day wasn’t about losing my dad, it was about celebrating love and what better way to do that than to remind myself and others of my dads love for us too!
I asked my big brother to walk me down the aisle. I asked him to support me and help me be brave on this day because it was so dang hard. I asked my mom to give the speech. She was a rock and strength to all of us during this time. I am still not sure how she does it! I asked my family to have the daddy daughter dance with me. Maybe a little different but I picked a song that reminded me of my Dad (Heart of Gold by Neil Young) and we all danced and cried together.
As my brother walked me down the aisle I wrote a chalkboard sign note that read “If heaven wasn’t so far away we know you’d be here” and on that sign hung my dad’s camera. The one he brought with him everywhere there was family or wildlife. As we walked past it, I tripped. Yup. My moment to shine and I tripped. BUT my brother squeezed me and kept me up so it wasn’t too obvious and honestly I needed that to lighten the moment. I just passed the sign and almost lost it, until I tripped. Then I laughed and saw Tyler and I was able to take a deep breath!
During our ceremony we planted a pine tree - a symbol of planting roots together as one, but also to remind me of my Dad. He planted so many trees at our lake house that you could barely find the house.
And before the end of the night I had the Dj play one of my dad’s all time favorite songs, Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Segar. He even had a special dance move that we all picked up and made sure we put it on display for everyone that night. Pretty sure there is some photo footage of that. Hehe.
It isn’t easy to plan a celebration after loosing someone you love and want there so badly! But my hope for you is that you can find some good. My hope is that hearing my story can just be a little push in the right direction to celebrate your love story that has been in the works for however long, but that deserves a wonderful celebration. My dad wouldn’t have wanted me to change or move or postpone, he would have wanted to dance to the music and eat the amazing appetizers he helped pick out at one of our tastings! Dance, Eat, Be Married. AND embrace the people who helped you get to your wedding day!
What helped me, was leaning on my loved ones for strength, kind words and encouragement. I had to honor of having my dad help in a lot of the planning already so for me he knew what the night was going to be like already!
What made the day extra special was the love that every one of our guests felt through a celebration that can’t compare. My Dad was there and our family and friends all knew it and felt it in our hearts!!
Find ways to give yourself happy reminders. Good moments and celebrate all the good!
There were lots of tears, but there was more love and laughter!
It truly was a celebration of love
